I’ve decided to stop blogging on wordpress.
The editing function is honestly quite shitty and it makes writing and posting a picture so fucking complicated that I would very much rather go back to secondary school and study additional mathematics; I am pretty sure I would pass, but I would still not be able to figure out how to post a picture on wordpress without having a mental breakdown.
So, goodbye.
So much has happened since the start of 2021 that I honestly didn’t have the energy nor courage to write about it. I’ve done a good job masking my feelings, but my reality truly and really sucks.
The year had just started when we received news that my paternal grandmother was in a critical condition; even then I had passed it off as one of those things where old people get really sick and then make a full recovery.
How wrong was I this time.
On the third day of the new year, she passed on.
I had a lot of mixed emotions and feelings about her passing as we were not quite close, but still, I felt a lingering sadness for the next few days. I wish I had known her better, and I wished to have heard her stories, and this was something that was never going to happen.
***
Life went on as usual, or so I thought.
Barely a month had passed when suddenly one morning, I received a phone call from the hospital saying that my second elder brother was in a critical condition. There was a sense of urgency in the doctor’s voice as he explained to me what had happened.
My mind went into a panic mode followed by total blankness; for a while, I just couldn’t think.
Upon reaching the hospital, I saw the condition that my brother was in and I knew that now was not the time to cry. My family members and I took on the responsibility of answering arduous phone calls from concerned relatives locally and across the border. And of course, no occasion like this was without some drama. -_-
My brother passed away that same day.
I would like to think that we had given him the best homecoming that he deserved, and that he received a peaceful send off like he would have liked.
It took me a few days to come to terms with his death, and finally, I broke down. I had been hiding the misery in my heart, and the time came when I could finally let it all out in the comfort of my bedroom.
In loving memory
Papa Ramasamy (01.01.1926 – 03.01.2021)
Saravanan R Shanmugam (18.05.1977 – 05.02.2021)
***
Work has also been a pain the ass. I did get the transfer that I wanted, but not necessarily the work environment that I needed. To be fair, I can’t complain much. But if something better comes my way, I might take it and move on.
I guess that’s all I have to say for now. Even for me to pen this down had taken a while; I had written an earlier, much detailed post about the whole affair but it got too draggy and too much for me to handle that I decided not to continue with it. This entry feels just right.
All that aside, not everything has been bad. I’d be lying if I said that all five months of 2021 have been bad.. There have been countless good days, and I am truly thankful for my friends and some family members who have gone out of their way to check up on me to make sure that I am alright and coping well. The whole affair made me realize how much I have taken things for granted, and now I truly count my blessings and appreciate my friends and well meaning relatives much more.
Adios for now!
They dance under the moonlight without touching each other.
It’s morning and they’re gone.
Yours truly, Nathan. 